Twins: 8 Survival Strategies For Parents

By Patricia Malmstrom, M.A. and Catherine Phegan
From ParentsPlace.com

1. Get Help
Most families need regular outside help with twins during the first year. Set this up ahead of time if you can. You can get help from people you trust and get along with, such as:

Relatives-older children, parents, sisters, brothers
Friends
Neighborhood children 10- to 12-year olds
Teenagers
College students
Housekeeper or live-in help
And you might be able to trade services with friends. Remember outside help doesn't always have to cost money. Call your county health and social services departments and ask what in-home services are
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available for families with new babies. (Programs differ from county to county.)

2. Get Rest
The first months can seem very long because the babies' schedule won't let you get enough sleep. Rest whenever you can. You can use earplugs to sleep while someone else takes care of the babies. This may mean your house is not as clean as it was before twins. But remember, the more rest you get, the better you'll be able to take care of your babies-and yourself.

3. Organize your House
Before the babies arrive, get your house ready for them:

Put the baby clothes and equipment where you plan to use them. You may want to have more than one changing area in the house.

Set up a place where the babies can be left safely alone, in portacribs or playpens, on the rug in a circle of pillows, on a blanket on the floor or in an area closed off by a gate.

Make the care of your house and your clothes as simple as possible.

4. Make a Schedule
It's easier for people to help if you have a schedule they can see. Make a list of the things you do at (somewhat) regular times each day and put it on the wall. Work toward getting the babies on the same sleeping and feeding schedule. When friends offer to help, suggest they:

Come at bath time to bathe one of the babies.
Help out at feeding time -- feeding one of the babies.
Clean the kitchen.
Bring dinner or a frozen casserole to be heated up later.
Go shopping for you or run errands.
Take the babies' brother(s) or sister(s) out for an outing.
Care for the babies while you sleep. And if your day isn't going right, drop everything and take the babies out for a walk. Fresh air can make everyone feel better.

5. Help Each Other
If you have a parenting partner, help each other. Having twins is hard on relationships. Talking about your feelings can help you and your partner to understand it is hard work caring for twins. You may be tired or in need of time alone. It helps to tell each other what you need.

6. Get Time Alone or Time Together
Plan a regular time for you and your parenting partner to be together without the babies. Go for a walk, out for breakfast, to the park. Go dancing, to a movie, or listen to music. Make a permanent baby-sitting arrangement for this and go even if you're too tired.
If you have older children, do something with them alone once a month or so. They need time off from the babies too.

And make time for you alone. Get a friend, neighbor, or relative to watch the babies for an hour or two and:

Take a walk.
Take a long bath.
Make that call you never have time for.
Go shopping.
Do something that makes you feel cared for.

7. Establish Boundaries
You can expect your family to be just as excited and fascinated by your twins as outsiders will be. This can be helpful when grandmothers, aunts, brothers, etc. offer to help with the work. But it can also be a hindrance if they offer unwanted advice and criticism at the same time.
Welcome the help of your family if you enjoy their support. But set limits when and where you need it. Start this early so things don't get out of hand, and keep in mind that it is your right to raise your family the way you want to. What worked for them may not work for you.

8. Smile
People are fascinated by twins. They also have some strange ideas about twins. They may stop you on the street and ask, "Which one is the smart one?" You can get worn out trying to respond to everything that's said. Smile, and push on! Their comments don't have anything to do with you.

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This information is based on Twinline's work and discussion with hundreds of parents of twins and from our understanding of current research on the twin relationship.

Reprinted with permission from Twin Services, Parent Education Series 200: #215, 1983. This article may be printed out for personal use but may not be reproduced in any other manner, including electronic, without prior written consent from Twin Services. For more information, call 510-235-2198.